'Last Christmas'

Just how many 'Last Christmas' do we really need to really learn our lesson huh?

Everytime it is year-end, especially the last 10 days of the year, I get really blue and moody. I once liked a boy (maybe I fell in love with him,) it was fun until at some point we really had nothing to talk about anymore, til that on my end I went through a bit of suffocation. I didn't really enjoy our late-night conversations nor the 'relationship' at all. In the name of affection, I actually played along because I really liked the other side of him that I fell in love with in the beginning. Even though I didn't really agree to our many adventures, I kept holding on to find that side of him again.. but he never returned, to my utter disappointment.

On New Years Day of a particular year everything ended. I kept trying to get back to him but I guess I was a fool. Slowly I came into my senses and figured out that he was just as 'bored' as I was.. and he wasn't really looking for any other side of me. I still don't know what love spell I caught him with, that started everything. He was just playing with me, there was nothing special about me that he liked (I think).

I still like that side of him. He was witty and funny... and sexy. These days it's really hard for me to 'fall in love' because I keep thinking that I'll get back the same person I lost. Yeah sure, I still wish he'd come back, merely as a friend I can take comfort in, maybe. Apart from losing the one I liked, I also have lost many things I love this year, so these days I'm really afraid of the pain of losing something. Thank God, I have not lost my mind.

If I were to count my blessings, by losing the things I want, I got the things that I need. Therefore, I shall try to grow up and appreciate CHANGES. Let bygones be bygones.. but how much time does it take til I can say 'I need you'? I'm sorry.. it's gonna take a whole lot of time. and money. hehe