Should Have Been

A while ago I told a colleague, that I cannot imagine growing older like her (she is 30+). I mean, it's not about the physical aspect of aging, but it's more to the level of confidence and the fading 'teen spirit'. As I grow older without realizing it, my confidence is losing its appearance exponentially.

Children have such pure intentions, that their imaginations become so vivid and near to their hearts that they can touch it with their fingers. Once they get that sense of wonder, they become eager and curious. With all their youthful confidence, you never know one day they might achieve their dreams! Adults always encourage children to imagine and keep their dreams up high, but now I understand why they keep saying so.. it's because when you've reach an certain age (call it an 'adult' age), everything is real. There is no dream, no more things you can imagine, all you see is reality. For me, reality is harder to change now. Changing reality is like pulling out the right pieces of Jengas so the tower we've built up all along doesn't collapse. Gotta be wise!

I lack the confidence to pursue what I cannot see and believe. Not to say that I'm giving it up all to fate, but lets just be realistic. I'm scared of the future because I absolutely have no idea if the plans in my head would ever work out because not everything goes your way. I know that very well now. When things are not what you expect it to be, it's really frustrating and hurtful..!

So basically, there is no time to dream, no time for regrets, no time to imagine how things should've been. Even if we regret wasting our youth, it is impossible to roll back time and do things the way we always want them to be. Thinking of 'would've beens', 'could've beens' or 'should've beens' is really tiring and depressing. It is now a time for me to concentrate my energy to more important things grown-ups chase after. Life is all about choices..!