Sea Fog

I begin to realize how much time I have lost and about to lose, the times I spend with my family, as I stay here doing my job. My job is not that interesting. Surely, the pay is quite good and the value it weighs on other people's eyes might be as good as gold but to me it's very frustrating, sometimes.

I received 5+1 months bonus for period ending 2011. It was amazing to receive it and then fill in the inter-bank transfer form because I have my salary and saving accounts on two separate banks. I'm already very thankful even though the sum I received is actually just a small portion compared to experienced others.

I used up some money for my engagement ceremony. Currently saving up more for my wedding, which I absolutely have not started reserving things(!). Every penny I spend, I think of my mom, my dad, brother and sister. It was really great to spend time together with them. All the money I have, the riches and the luck I have cannot replace the happiness I get when I'm under the protection of my parents'. Nowadays nobody is at home anymore. I miss the moments we had together, laughing while watching TV and munching on evening snacks welcoming the return of my parents from work. That's how simple our lives used to be.

Surprisingly, because I work where my family is far away, I enjoyed the times I spent with my fiance's family. I guess the attention and care of a mother is what I really miss. When I was in UTP, it did not feel like I was away because I have my Sarawakian friends with me all the time. We go thick and thins together and best of all, we had fun despite the shortcomings. The feeling of being around friends who share the same ideas, it's awesome. I'll always appreciate that.. and I wish I could turn back time..

These days I keep thinking what if I lose my loved ones, would I be there for them in time to spend a few a glances before they're gone? It scares me to death. Living with such a materialistic standard.. it scares me to death..