The Big Gravity

I don't know if it's the effect of being older, but everytime weekend comes my energy just blow down to zero. Or negative, even. I just want to do anything but everything.

The other day I was talking to an older friend who goes to the same classes as I do and she said that going to university after working is a hard thing to do. You don't get the same energy as you did after high school. It's like your brain's being reset, everything starts from square one after seeing lots of different people and the blinding effects of money. The world out there, is full of bullshit. A fucking shithole.

Then I thought to myself, am I lucky or pathetic? I realized that I've been in a shithole too, forced to be in a continous learning regime all my life. No wonder I still feel like a kid some days. Though I'd always prefer to be a kid, I can sense that I'm getting older afterall. The energy of being young and wild is just not the same like it used to be. I have big amount of workloads and just thinking about it takes half of my full energy, whatnot after doing it. I guess when you use your brain a lot, every processed food stored in your other cells get wiped off clean. Three years ago, I can go to sleep at 4am and wake up 2 hours later and still score an A+ writing an essay about soy beans.

Lately, I've been thinking about how it's like if I were to die. I keep imagining the feelings that would surround the people I know, the atmosphere of my non-existence, the lonely stare of the objects I ever own. At an age when I'm supposed to be wild and free, it seems that the Big Gravity is pulling my feet on the ground. Hmm.. pelik.