Read Between The Sighs

It almost always saddens me that I don't have anything interesting to tell my mom on the phone. Nor anybody. I don't talk about my private life that much and I think it's a problem these days. Being a girl, it's almost mandatory to talk about your personal life to your girl friends and show them that you're feminine for having affectionate thoughts on the opposite gender.

I've heard from a couple of friends telling me that I am good at keeping their secrets. I take it as a compliment, I guess. The other day I was sort of counseling a friend on her rusty relationship with her boyfriend and I tried to be as intelligent as I can to sort out her madness. I hate to be the one who console a fool in love, but I had to let her talk out her problems because I was just being a good friend.

I sacrificed two hours of my study time just to hear her blab about nonsensical things which I think, is unnecessary. Clearly, it was her who was not being an understanding girlfriend but of course I didn't blame her entirely. I just told her that she's at the wrong sideline in my usual complicated, literal sentences to make her confused. In the end she was so confused by my manipulative sentences that I successfully calmed her down. By the last five minutes that I talked to her, I was so sleepy I couldn't respond much. Too much talking tires me.

I've got solutions queued in my head when someone's having a problem and amazingly I'm good at pretending to be the problem solver. I can be unbelievably sarcastic, I can be critical, I can sound smart in the discussion but not to myself. Sometimes it frustrates me that I can't even map out my own problems. I can't be as intelligent when it's my own problem that I'm dealing with. Kera di hutan disusukan, anak di rumah mati kelaparan.

I guess I'll always be the comforter, the counsellor, the one who sorts things out. Maybe I like it that way, but I'm still looking for a person who's smart enough to read between the sighs without me being wordy because.. well like I said, talking tires me. Ok I need to breathe.