Chase This Light With Me

Sometimes I wonder, what makes me people do what they're doing. Or what makes them love what they're doing and have the motivation to continuously put an effort to what they're doing.

"If it doesn't feel right, don't do it. That's the lesson. And that lesson alone will save you, my friends, a lot of grief. Even doubt means don't. This is what I've learned. There are many times when you don't know what to do. When you don't know what to do, get still, get very still, until you do know what to do."
- Oprah Winfrey, speech at Stanford's Commencement Day, June 15th 2008.

I am fully aware that I am young and have capabilities that I may not even know. But why is it that sometimes, I feel that I'm reaching my limit, whereby I cannot take in things to learn anymore and that I'm too tired to do so? Sometimes I can see the light, but it's more like a flashlight being turned on and off. Maybe somebody up there has got His hands on the flashlight trigger button.

There are times when I wonder why am I in this university and learning this course. Why am I expected to become an engineer? Why did they choose me to be in this university and even offered to pay all the fees for the whole five years that I am to spend learning my engineering knowledge. Why am I not learning something else?

At this time, I think it's too late to quit, to soon to go. I have to go on with life, I have to sacrifice other desires to concentrate my abilities to learn what I'm supposed to. Sometimes I too cannot believe that I can learn some things very quickly in stressful times even though it's the last thing I want to remember in life. It's too bad that my brain can work hard and perform magic shows only under pressure, or in simpler terms: when there's something to achieve, e.g. tests, exams. Unfortunately, the magic show can turn into a freak show when I'm under intense pressure, as in exams where time limits everything. Phi can turn into psi, 10 can turn to 3 and for all I know, the alphabet D can turn into B.

Now back to the Oprah Winfrey quote above; how do you know that what you're currently doing is the right thing when at some days you doubt your existence? What if we don't have full control of the course of our life, and that we depend solely on destiny to begin a new life that allows us to achieve a satisfaction? Some days I feel that being an engineer is the right thing for me, but as I mentioned above, after a while that the light appears, it can fade into black and once again I find myself lost in a bleak trap.

So my question is.. how do you control the light so that it won't disappear?

Everytime this question pop in my head, I feel very small as a human being. The best I can do is to gather my strength to achieve my desires and goals, but the flashlight trigger is not in my hands. I can try all sorts of things, but I too need His help to let me see the light at the end of the tunnel. In conclusion, to consistently achieve the goal we have to combine all three elements of our psychological nature, that is Intelligence, Spiritual and Emotional. If we can get hold of these three elements, I'm sure we can make the most out of our efforts.

For the time being, I know I'm going to need extra effort to ensure that "the light" stays on. I've been lacking a lot. Good luck everyone.. Viva la persistence!

p/s : Read Oprah's Commencement speech for some worthy inspirations from such an influential figure!