Bashing Right and Wrong

I am a weirdo, I am a freak, I have an obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OPCD). I never really realize it before, but now that I know I have these symptoms, well as much as I'm obsessive-compulsive, I would always keep reminding myself that. It makes me feel very weird and tired but I can't help it.

There wasn't any problem until this bothers me. When something bothers me I can't stop thinking about it and it affects my productivity greatly. I would not stop thinking of something or doing something repetitively until I have a feeling that it is 'right'. I can't even stand looking at a blog post title not aligned 'correctly' with the blog post content.

I wouldn't want to think this is chronic, but I think this is ridiculous. I'm sick of it. It's getting on my nerves. It is now at the phase where my fears or recurrent thoughts come haunting me in my sleep. Last night I woke up at 4am and couldn't continue my sleep after waking up from a bad dream. It was a bad dream because it involves one of my fears, which is coincidentally one of the symptoms of OCD. I needed 2 hours buffer before I could trick myself to sleep again.

I'm fucking sick of this. I hate being right, I hate being wrong, I just want to stop the obsession with being binded by rules that a shadow of my own created.

I need a shrink. Or a good distraction— from my own imperfection.