Song on repeat

Aku nak complain boleh tak?! Tak puas hati. Nak tulis panjang-panjang.

I do not even know what I should do or what to expect after all these ends. I'm supposed to be a brilliant, sarcastic comedian in my own literary strings of hopelessness. There used to be a loud chant of harmony in my voice, but statistics made me fear my own confidence. I am sick of the same person, the same names and faces that gets what they want. I am sick of hearing hopelessness on the edges of the old people's lips when they call the names of the rest of the class who did not meet the expectation. Jealous lah tu. kehkeh.

I am the frustrated young person who will be the slaves of the future and overpriced gadgets. I will be at the bottom of the pyramid, an ordinary idiot enjoying the company of friends my age every weekend, spending it to comfort my weekly pains of finishing Thursdays to get over the Monday blues.

I will be the ones who bake muffins for dinner in front of my television. I am of the society who drives carbon underneath my foot and take pictures of an aging world coming to destruction. Prophets will bloom, lies will be news we religiously subscribe to and money will be the token to justice. Do you know what money can buy? Money can buy shelter from the evil.

I am as rubbish as the ones we take no heed of in our society today, but the difference I have before them is that I am a branded rubbish. I am special in my own ways, spitting illusions on the edges of my lips to awe-struck the world to pay more attention to my charms. Those charms are only what I have, along with memories of running. The wind is heavily moving in my direction as yesterday keep tugging my shirt from the back. Everytime I am out of breath after all the running, all I hear myself say is: how the hell did I get here?

I am addicted to my own breathing, addicted to mirroring myself on the faces of others and portraying an illusion I believe am my own. I am not who the world is seeing. On my calculator are numbers nobody is looking for. I am a nobody, but you are what I am looking for, you are the one who calculated the same figures as me. I'm glad.