What are you sad for?

December is evil! The month makes most people feel sad even though it's their birthday. Certain hours I feel sad too, but I don't really know what I'm sad for. Am I sad that time went by too fast? Am I sad that I even have time to think of sadness?

For people who have a lot to do in their lives, December is the month they start to contemplate on what they have achieved. Now they have come a long way, all energy is used, leaving them feeling lethargic. When things don't turn out the way they are meant to be, we can't help but to feel negative and blame ourselves. Sometimes we can't decode what we are sad for, but our hearts feel like they've been stabbed. What is this that hurt so much?

I hate to think that people choose certain time to do things. A broken relationship in the month of December is very painful as it is easier to be remembered because people make an unnecessary big deal out of year-end or new year. Our memories work better with association right?

So you said we should start a new life in celebration of another new year, but what does time has to do with anything? Isn't the time when we are happy in company of each other give you a new life everytime? I felt that way. Time does not have anything to do with the ups and downs of our lives. I hate it when in our purest nature, we tend to misuse time for an excuse to hurt others or to feel betrayed. Does it matter if we get married next week or breakup last year? Nobody can turn back time, once something happened, you cannot go back to the state it were. Even if you try, it won't feel the same. Bitter hearts are in the air.

I don't know where you are but I can't wait to see you. If you're in the northern hemisphere, I bet you are freezing cold right now. If I'm near you I might just give you a big hug to warm you! Every day, I think of you and wonder when will I get to meet you. I'm doing just okay in my own ways and I can't wait for a new calendar, but I'm afraid of the future. I am a clueless person.. or should I call stupid? I always wonder what will I do? What can I do? What should I do? What would I do? I guess not knowing what to do in a life with one less star brightening up my night is what I'm sad for.... December is evil!