The Silent Guilt

Today I sat for the Communications Systems paper.

So there I was sitting in the very cold exam hall trying to find answers while holding my weakening spirit still. Today is the first time ever that I felt completely uncertain in an exam. Not to boast, but usually when I do my exams I already have a sense of what's coming so I'm "prepared" to dodge the bullets that's coming my way. But it's different just now. The questions were so simple, but for some reason I'm not prepared for that type of questions and I couldn't really be sure that I got things right.

So in the middle of the helpless-ness, I began to think of something else. I was thinking that, kalau lah aku betul2 jadi engineer and if that exam paper was used to build an oil and gas plant in the middle of nowhere in the sea; with that much uncertainty that I penned down on that exam paper, I think the plant would blow up and kill everyone on the platform in less than 10 minutes from the time it is set up. Not only it will kill humans, it will turn the fishes upside down, gasping for air. The blow up will shatter the homes of those who live near the seashores and the gases emitted would pollute half the world.

And so I've learned a valuable lesson from that story. That is― an engineer cannot put down a design on paper if there is no certainty that the design is at least correctly done, if not accurate. Not only engineers.. doctors, nurses, fishermen, bus driver, movie director, teacher, farmer; all of us have to make damn sure that we do things right especially if it involves other people. Kiranya what I'm trying to say is, "perfection is possible". We have to have the mindset that however impossible it seems, we have to strive for the best.

I realize that in most of the things I do, it involves other people too. I feel guilty that I've let some people down, especially myself. I haven't been the best that I can be lately. How I wish I can be a better person..!

Oh.. at least I learn something from ComSys. And it's not even close to the theories and formulaes.

p/s: i still have 2 papers to go before sem break.