Berlari Untuk Bernafas

When I woke up at 6am, it was still pitch dark. I looked out my window and saw a girl sitting alone at the gutters. Well, aku sangatlah terkejut until I had to wear my specs to make sure what I'm seeing was.. the right thing. I didn't bother to come down and talk to her or whatever, but she stayed there quietly for some 40mins. I wonder what she was thinking.

For the last few days I felt like I was suffocating. For the sake of honesty, yes, I'm currently having multiple conflicts with a number of different people and it's really getting on my psychological health. I find that I was not in my greatest moods and everything felt so gloomy that it felt so hard to breathe. I was not in reality, my mind was elsewhere, probably wanting to search for new air.

So this morning I went for a breathing therapy and jogged for almost 1km around campus. I ran and ran until I felt dizzy, and out of breath. I felt alive hearing my heavy breaths breaking the quiet atmosphere of a Monday morning. I felt relieved for a reason I'm not sure what. All the the obsessive-compulsive thoughts that was upsetting me, the thoughts on the relationships with some people, the academic mess; all flushed out in the pores of my skin. It felt good when I came back to my room. I was sweaty, sexy and ready to breathe again.

So I told a friend that I saw her crush intimately with someone else during an event I attended last few days. Even though it wasn't me who had a crush on him, it broke my heart to see it. I wonder what my friend must really be feeling because I've had experiences like that before. Her "bintang jatuh" landed at the laps of someone else and I was there to see it. Describing the scene to her made me feel guilty because I let her down with the bad news. She's been stressing and upset since I told her, but for whatever reason, I felt the same way.

Well, right now me? I'm feeling quite okay even though my muscles are a little tired from the impulsive run I did this morning. Talked to the friend and she told me that she's slowly picking up the pieces even though it still upsets her. Even though she didn't really say it to me, I know how she feels and how she reacts to these kind of situation. Kesian dia.. dah lama usha kot. Tetiba the stupid guy tertarik dengan someone else pulak. Oh well.. inilah kehidupan yang penuh dengan tahi. Hopefully she'll find some other "bintang jatuh" gedebak gedebuk yang akan buat dia lebih bahagia. Kawanku, jangan sedih-sedih!

I've been spending time staring at my computer all day long when I should be doing my revisions. My first finals paper is in about ten days. Hmm..! Nadia, kamu sekarang pemalas macam babi. Please take note.

Perhaps I should run until I stop breathing nak bagi sedar skit? Ohhh tidak.